What was once seen as a cause for social stigma is now a general fact of being a single adult. And I had been one of those for the better part of a year now.
The lack of distraction was nice at first. I was finally making time to pursue my dreams, hone my skills as it were. I was getting shit done. Kicking names and taking ass. But, as most carbon-based lifeforms are wont to do, I eventually began to long for the company of a significant other.
I began my search for the future Mrs. Farrelly by embracing a more primitive method of social interaction, or, as it’s more commonly called, “actually going out and meeting people.” Unfortunately, that shit got old in a hurry.
The fact of the matter was, most of the women in my general age-bracket were already in serious relationships and this meant that the only new people I was meeting when I went out were all considerably younger than myself; the kind of people who used “epic” as an adverb and thought Green Day was classic rock.
All of the stories that I post online are published under my real name and because of this, I thought it prudent to use an alias for my dating profile (not because I think that I’m in any way famous; just an easy target for trolls). Though, I did tell my real name to every girl I planned to meet up with IRL and even warned them that there was a good chance our date would end up the subject of a bizarre story on the internet. Surprisingly, none of the women were scared off by this prospect and a few of them even thought it was kind of cool.
The first one who agreed to go on an actual for-real-life date with me was this girl named Candice. Our profiles had an extremely high match-percentage and she was, for all intents and purposes, perfect: well-read, good sense of humor, super hot… The whole nine.
The night that I found myself explaining to a girl who Paul McCartney was, I finally decided that it was time to put aside all of my preconceived hang-ups about online dating and make myself an OKCupid profile
Needless to say, I really liked Candice and she seemed to genuinely dig me as well… That is until she stopped returning my phone calls. I had waited the appropriate three days after our first date to contact her. It was a Wednesday and when she hadn’t called me back by that Friday, I sent her a friendly, totally not-desperate-sounding text that simply said:
We had bonded over our mutual love Bulgarian naiset naimisiin amerikkalaisia miehiä of the character Joey from Friends and I was sure that this reference would do the trick but there was still no response, which left me feeling kind of hurt and more than a little confused. I thought our initial date had gone really well but I eventually managed to shrug the whole thing off. The fact that my OKCupid inbox was currently brimming with replies from other potential matches helped me to get over my initial feelings of rejection rather quickly.
It doesn’t take a Doctorate in Sociology to know online dating is a pretty normal concept these days
The next girl that really ca Worley,” which my more awesome readers will recognize as the same name as Patricia Arquette’s character in the movie True Romance. “True Row,” as I liked to call it, was one of my all-time favorite films and the girl in “Alabama’s” profile picture was definitely cute enough for a meet-and-greet. So I messaged her back and here’s where shit started to go full-on Twilight Zone.
