Do you have your push notifications turned on for your dating apps? If you don’t, I understand why. The average American receives 45.9 push notifications on their phone per day.
We’ve all been there. We’ve matched with someone that we’re excited to go out with. Maybe we’ve even exchanged a few messages! However, it seems like most of the time these once-promising initial messages tend to fizzle out. After one last ‘hail mary’ message with no response, we move that person to our dating app graveyard of people we’ll probably never interact with again.
Why do these conversations fizzle out or seem to not flow at all? My theory is that we’re constantly playing phone tag with our matches. We often spread out a conversation that would normally take 5 minutes in person, into something more akin to a week-long email correspondence. This is because we really don’t spend much time in our dating apps on a daily basis, and more often than not, that 30 minutes that you spend on a dating app does not sync up with your match’s time online.
They may be annoying, but I’m here to tell you that they can also be the key to actually connecting with your online dating matches
This problem is exacerbated with antiquated dating advice that tells you to “make them wait” “play hard to get” and “don’t seem desperate by responding right away.”
Combine that with how busy modern singles generally are with work, friends, hobbies, (and other matches!) and you are faced with a massive miscommunication problem.
I see a conversation with a match on a dating app as either an email correspondence or an instant messaging conversation
In the email correspondence model, you generally wait a day for your match to respond, and you respond whenever is convenient for you, regardless of whether that person is online or available to chat at that moment.
Compare that to an instant messaging conversation where you’re both online at the same time and are able to respond and react in real-time. In this conversation, you’re able to build rapport, convey emotion, build tension, and ultimately connect with your match. In a conversation lasting just 5 minutes where both parties are online at the same time, you can have a more meaningful conversation than 5 days of awkward email correspondence. I’m also here to tell you that this is the perfect time to ask out your match.
So how do push notifications tie into this? Let’s say you send your match a first message at 5:00 pm. They respond 3 hours later at 8:00 pm and that message comes to your phone in the form of a push notification. You are now in that glorious 30-minute window where that person is checking their dating app and they chose to message you! Not only is this a small window of time, but this is also the time that they are actively seeking someone to go out with. Why else would they be motivated to open up their dating app?
My advice to you is to drop what you’re doing and respond to that message in https://www.kissbrides.com/pt-pt/mulheres-eslovenas-quentes real time. Odds are, they’ll respond right back in real-time as well. Regardless of whether you’re a man or woman (or anyone in between) we’re all sick and tired of having meaningless and drawn out conversations with internet strangers that we haven’t even met yet. Don’t fret about seeming too eager. Your match will be so relieved to avoid having to play phone tag with you and will enthusiastically jump into the conversation. Nowadays, so much communication is done online and we’re used to being in constant contact with our friends and colleagues. Why are we leaving our matches in the dark? I promise you that any slight perception of seeming too eager to your match will be vastly outweighed by their appreciation that you’re willing and able to have a real-time conversation with them right then and now.
When you and your match are both engaged in this conversation, you may have to only chat for 5–10 minutes before you reach a level of comfortability to ask each other out. Remember, that this is the time they chose to go online in the dating app, so they’re looking to be asked out!
So turn your push notifications on for your dating apps and start having some real-time conversations with your matches. It really is your best tool to build a connection on a platform where so many people find it difficult to connect.
Put your fisherman’s hat on and cast out a few *lines*. When a match ‘bites’ and responds to your message, reel in that push notification and message your match back right away. From there you can chat for a few minutes and allow your conversation to flow naturally and fluidly.
